Monday, November 7, 2011

Welcome Gavin Johann McKinney

And baby makes 6!  We welcomed Gavin Johann on October 19th.  He surprised us only weighing 7 lbs. 14 oz. and 21 inches long.  The last 3 weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions as he spent the first week of his life in the NICU and IU Children's Hospital. 
As many of you know, I spent this pregnancy a little obsessive about what went in my body and what I exposed my body to.  I ate mainly organic clean foods, used nontoxic body care products, and chemical free cleaning products.  I took "clean" vitamins and worked out regularly until my 5th month of pregnancy.  I was determined to make another healthy baby!
At my 37 week OB appointment an ultrasound was scheduled to check the size of our little guy.  I have a history of large babies (9.5 lbs.) and Ella had shoulder dystosia (where the baby gets stuck).  My OB, who I love, knew from the beginning that I didn't want to be induced but she also expressed her concerns with letting me go to 40 weeks.  The ultrasound estimated that at 37 weeks, the baby was about 8lbs. 6oz. After listening to my doctors concerns, I swallowed my pride, ignored my intuition, and agreed to be induced at 39 weeks.
The days leading up to the induction I was an anxious mess.  I had a horrible feeling but couldn't tell you why or what it was.  I thought I was just nervous about having a 4th child.
The day of the induction I had my hypnobirthing music all ready, had the mindset that I was going to do this natural, and was ready to go.  Little did I know that in only 9 hours and 2 pushes (totally not natural) we would have another little boy!  As soon as Gavin was born I knew right away that he wasn't ready to come out.  He looked so, so small and had trouble breathing.  He also had that white stuff all over him, something I had never seen with my other children.  As the nurses worked on him my heart just pounded out of my chest.  They finally got him more stable and weighed him, that is when my heart went into my stomach.  7lbs. 14 oz.  What the hell!!!!  I was mad!  My baby was not suppose to come out yet, he wasn't ready!  I have big kids, someone got something very wrong!  Why didn't I listen to my God given instinct that I so strongly believed in?!
The next 5 days felt like a nightmare.  Gavin had to go to the NICU, have 2 x-rays (which absolutely devastated me), blood work, IV antibiotics, and an echocardiagram. 
I'm still angry but trying each day to get over it.  Being angry isn't going to change anything, it isn't going to make anything better.  As soon as we got home, Teresa, our Craniosacral therapist came over and treated
Gavin.  Since then he has had yet another treatment.  I just pray (and if you know me, I'm not good at that) he doesn't have any long lasting effects from all the trauma he went through those first 5 days. 
With each child, I never think I'm going to be able to love them as much as the others but my heart just grows every time!  I'm a very protective mom but with Gavin, it's even more.  All I want to do is hold him, protect him.  He is so special to me and holds such a special place in my heart.  


2 comments:

  1. It's so hard to make a "good" decision about our children's health, with so many people giving conflicting advice. You did your best and he's going to grow up to be a healthy boy just like the others!

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