Truth is...

Truth is...
The truth is, I'm exhausted, worn out, tired.  Soccer season and school have started back up which means homework every night and soccer practice 3 nights a week along with the usual mommy/wife duties of cooking, cleaning, and laundry  Add that on top of running my photograhy business and a baby who is still up 2-3 times a night, my body is drained! 
This usual health nut has turned to Dr. Pepper to keep me going during the day. (Gasp!)  My muffin top is growing to about a 5 month pregnancy belly and I don't even really care at this point. 
With school starting, this means more anxiety for Haiden, which means more stuttering, which means more frustration, making for such a fun environment. 
Miss Ella has an appointment with St. Vincent Neuroscience Institute in September which has me all up in a mess of anxiety.  Poor girl, breaks my heart to see her struggle with so many things. 
Mr. Mason is still pretty pissed that he has a baby brother and will do just about anything for attention, usually negative attention.  He loves to make his sister mad and I'm certain he makes this his goal everyday. 
Then there is Gavin.  Just when I thought having 4 kids was crazy, Gavin learned to crawl.  He loves to tip over the house plants, eat the dog food, pull everything off the craft table, climb the stairs, lick the bottom of shoes, pull himself to stand then give an ear piercing scream because he can't get down, and bite you, mainly when he is nursing. 
So as I sat hear this afternoon after an embarassing trip to the library, all 3 kids left screaming, I just wanted to cry.  Cry because I feel overwhelmed by life right now.  Then I came to my senses and realized just how blessed I am.  I am incredibly blessed because I have an amazing family.  An amazing family who would do anything for each other.  I have a beautiful home, my health, a husband who is beyond amazing, wonderful friends who I couldn't live without, and 4 of the most adorable children who call me mom.

I'm Back!!!!

Wow!  The last 7 months have been nothing short of pure craziness!  My photography business has really taken off and my four precious kids have been keeping me very busy! 
In the last 7 months we finished up Haiden's first basketball season, celebrated Haiden's 8th birthday (how did that happen?), had Haiden's ear surgery, Ella's first soccer season, Haiden's 6th soccer season, watched Mason go from a toddler to a little boy, watched Gavin go from a newborn to a very engaged baby, Ella's dance recital (cutest thing ever), got Mason's orthodics for his little feet, redid our dining room, enclosed our loft to make a 4th bedroom (my hubby is so handy), and had a fun trip to Southern Indiana to see family!
I'm not going to sugar coat it, life had been challenging but when I look at the big picture I realize I am so blessed.  Haiden is doing awesome and I am so proud of him but he still has his ASD moments.  Ella has big, HUGE emotions that pretty much run this house but she has the sweetest heart.  Mason is still pretty upset about not being the baby anymore and lets us know about it, daily.  He still loves to snuggle, says the funniest things, and tells me he loves me about 20 times a day.  Sweet Gavin loves his mommy so much that he wants to be next to me 24/7, and I'm just fine with that. :-)
The past 7 months have been a balancing act but Brian and I are a great team.  He takes such good care of me and our family!  I'm constantly growing as a mother and wife and love this crazy journey we are on!

We also had our family pictures taken by SB Childs Photography.  I love them and wanted to share!

 Haiden, Gavin, Ella, and Mason

 Love him so much!

 He loves his daddy so much!

 He melts my heart!

 My sweet, sweet princess! 

And this one makes me cry...My oh my...Haiden, you are such an amazing little boy who is growing way too fast!
One thing I've learned is that I need to slow down.  Take each day in.  Enjoy the fact that they need me so much right now because it will not be long before they want to be with their friends instead of their mom.

Welcome Gavin Johann McKinney

And baby makes 6!  We welcomed Gavin Johann on October 19th.  He surprised us only weighing 7 lbs. 14 oz. and 21 inches long.  The last 3 weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions as he spent the first week of his life in the NICU and IU Children's Hospital. 

As many of you know, I spent this pregnancy a little obsessive about what went in my body and what I exposed my body to.  I ate mainly organic clean foods, used nontoxic body care products, and chemical free cleaning products.  I took "clean" vitamins and worked out regularly until my 5th month of pregnancy.  I was determined to make another healthy baby!
At my 37 week OB appointment an ultrasound was scheduled to check the size of our little guy.  I have a history of large babies (9.5 lbs.) and Ella had shoulder dystosia (where the baby gets stuck).  My OB, who I love, knew from the beginning that I didn't want to be induced but she also expressed her concerns with letting me go to 40 weeks.  The ultrasound estimated that at 37 weeks, the baby was about 8lbs. 6oz. After listening to my doctors concerns, I swallowed my pride, ignored my intuition, and agreed to be induced at 39 weeks.
The days leading up to the induction I was an anxious mess.  I had a horrible feeling but couldn't tell you why or what it was.  I thought I was just nervous about having a 4th child.
The day of the induction I had my hypnobirthing music all ready, had the mindset that I was going to do this natural, and was ready to go.  Little did I know that in only 9 hours and 2 pushes (totally not natural) we would have another little boy!  As soon as Gavin was born I knew right away that he wasn't ready to come out.  He looked so, so small and had trouble breathing.  He also had that white stuff all over him, something I had never seen with my other children.  As the nurses worked on him my heart just pounded out of my chest.  They finally got him more stable and weighed him, that is when my heart went into my stomach.  7lbs. 14 oz.  What the hell!!!!  I was mad!  My baby was not suppose to come out yet, he wasn't ready!  I have big kids, someone got something very wrong!  Why didn't I listen to my God given instinct that I so strongly believed in?!
The next 5 days felt like a nightmare.  Gavin had to go to the NICU, have 2 x-rays (which absolutely devastated me), blood work, IV antibiotics, and an echocardiagram. 

 

I'm still angry but trying each day to get over it.  Being angry isn't going to change anything, it isn't going to make anything better.  As soon as we got home, Teresa, our Craniosacral therapist came over and treated

Gavin.  Since then he has had yet another treatment.  I just pray (and if you know me, I'm not good at that) he doesn't have any long lasting effects from all the trauma he went through those first 5 days. 

With each child, I never think I'm going to be able to love them as much as the others but my heart just grows every time!  I'm a very protective mom but with Gavin, it's even more.  All I want to do is hold him, protect him.  He is so special to me and holds such a special place in my heart.  

Happy 4th Birthday Ella

Dear Ella,
I can't believe you are 4 years old!  The last 4 years sure have been a roller coaster ride!  Some days, you talk and act like a teenager.  You have grown so much this past year!  You love to help me out at home by doing laundry, setting the table, putting clothes away, folding diapers, sweeping, and taking care of Mason.  You love to be read to and look at books.  Some of your favorite books are Fancy Nancy, Pinkalicious, and anything that has to do with a princess.  You love shoes just like your momma and you love dresses!  Right now you are in tap, ballet, and gymnastic and I think your favorite thing is picking out which leotard you are going to wear to class.  You are so strong willed and spirited!  Even though this can make things extremely hard right now I keep telling myself that one day those characteristics are going to make you very successful! :-) 
Even though you love dress up, wearing lip gloss, painting your fingernails, and all things fashion, you also love to be outside and get dirty.  Daddy built a large sandbox that you spend hours in just digging and building.  You loved helping Daddy with the garden this year and didn't mind getting dirt under your fingernails.  Haiden is a soccer star and you really look up to him.  You love playing soccer and baseball yourself and are really good at it! 
You are getting ready to be a big sister again and watching your excitement is so much fun!  Before we told you that Mommy was going to have a baby you came up to me one day and said, "Mommy, there's a baby girl in your belly!"  I can't wait to see if it is a boy or a girl and I know you are going to be a great big sister!
Mommy and Daddy love you so much Miss Ella!

My Love for Teaching

Since I was young girl, I've always loved working with other children.  In high school, I started giving swim lessons as a summer job and LOVED it!  I also had a strong passion to work with children with disabilities.  Maybe God knew I was going to have a child with special needs and was preparing me? 
For the longest time I wanted to be a pediatric nurse but when I had to go to Riley Hospital and saw where my sister had her last days, I couldn't.  My heart broke for all the sick kids I saw while I was there and I didn't know if I could handle that pain on a daily basis.  So, that is when I decided to become a Special Education Teacher.  I only taught for 5 years before deciding to stay at home with my kids but I can't hold back my love for teaching! 
This past summer I decided that I would do home school preschool with Ella.  (I'm blaming it on the pregnancy hormones.)  The first week felt like a complete disaster but now that I look back on it, we did a lot of fun activities, and I feel like Ella did learn something.  If you know Ella, you know she is one of a kind.  She is a strong willed, impulsive, stubborn little girl!  By Day 2, I was calling public preschools and put her on a waiting list for the same preschool she went to last year, Calvary.  She will only be going 2 mornings a week and I still plan on doing activities at home.  I feel like a failure but at the same time, I have to realize that she will learn more if she isn't being taught by her mom.  We are too much alike and I remember being the same way when I was her age.
I wanted to share some of our activities from last week.  I didn't even think to get my camera out amidst the chaos so I don't have any "action" shots.  I got all of my ideas from the following websites:
http://www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com/letter-of-the-week
http://www.1plus1plus1equals1.com/index.html
http://totallytots.blogspot.com/

Brian created this space so I can display all the kids work.  Our letter of the week was O for Ocean since that was our theme. The kids colored an ocean and made fish out of paper plates.  The kids glued pieces of paper on their fish.

 Here are some of the books and activities we did.  We also went to the Library, played in our sensory bin, played with the felt board, had a dance party, made sea creature out of playdoh and toothpicks, looked at our pictures from our family vacation to the beach, and spent a ton of time outside!

 Every morning we start with calendar time which is really basic.  We sing the Days of the Week song, talk about the date, count to the date, and do the weather.  We then sing the ABC's and a song to go with our weekly theme.  This week's song was I'm A Little Fishy.  We then read, and they usually want me to read all the books at once. :-)

This week our theme is Camping and I'm doing a much better job of capturing the activities.  Ella starts preschool next week and I plan on continuing a weekly theme with a lot of fun activities.  At least that is my plan. :-)

Making the Most of Everyday Play

I've been working really hard to encourage play based learning.  Don't get me wrong, I believe there is a ton of power in free play and I make sure the kids get plenty of that each day.  I just also think it is important to make the most out of play. 

Remember those "gems' I bought?  Well, I also purchased small plastic cups, gave the kids a container full of gems and let them explore.  They spent about 10 minutes dumping, pouring, and throwing (that would of been Mason).  Then I stepped in, and we started counting, sorting, and labeling. 

 

Ella loves anything jewelry so when I told her we were going to make bracelets, she was thrilled.  She spent almost 20 minutes stringing beads onto pipe cleaners.  When I notice her starting to finish up with an activity, that is when I step in.  We then counted the beads, identified colors, and made patterns.

 Haiden is probably the most difficult to engage with and get creative with.  He is very rigid and everything has a purpose.  So playing with clay was a great opportunity for sensory play, exploration, and using his imagination.  Of course, he wanted to spell his name first.  Then we made animals and food with the clay.

 A felt board is a great, inexpensive tool for pretend play.  I just tucked a large piece of felt in the frame of a bulletin board we already had.  Then I cut out shapes and other figures for the kids to explore with.  I didn't step in at all with this activity.  The kids made different things with the felt and even role played.

 Sensory play!  Haiden wouldn't of touched shaving cream 4 years ago but now he loves it!  I just let them play with it in the beginning and then I step in.  I encourage Haiden to draw pictures and spell words.  I helped Ella work on basic prewriting skills like drawing vertical and horizontal lines.

 You can never go wrong with play-doh.  Ella wanted me to play with her right away.  We made pancakes and pretended to serve each other food.

 Ella loves Fancy Nancy!  My friend, Karin, got Ella an awesome Fancy Nancy sticker book.  What I loved about this sheet of stickers is that Fancy Nancy was making all kinds of facial expressions.  I took this time to work on emotional intelligence (if you know Ella, you know this is an area of need).  She would peel off a sticker and tell me what she thought Fancy Nancy was feeling based on her facial expression.

 I got this dropbox idea from www.playathomemom3.blogspot.com.  I just had it on the floor with a ton of objects and let the kids explore.  After awhile I stepped in and guided Mason in color matching.

 I love puzzles and so do the kids.  My grandma got Haiden a puzzle of the world.  Not only did he love putting it together but this opened up a whole new obsession.  (If you know Haiden, you know, he just doesn't get interested in something, he gets obsessed.)  He now loves anything geography!  It has been so fun showing him new information and watching him learn so many new things.

 Mason's favorite, dry rice and beans!  I have two storage containers filled with rice and beans.  He loves to pour, mix, and scoop it.  I usually let him play then we pretend we are making "taco soup". 

I'm learning there are so many play based activities to do with your children.  Luckily I found some on-line resources that have helped me expand my creativity a bit. 
http://playathomemom3.blogspot.com/
http://www.1plus1plus1equals1.com/index.html
http://totallytots.blogspot.com/
http://www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com/my-printables

Baby #4

For my family I don't see very much but keeps up with us through our blog, here I am at 27 weeks.  It looks like we are having another 9 1/2 lb. baby!  I feel huge but great.  I think eating well, exercising (which isn't as often as I'd like), and running after 3 other children, has helped make this pregnancy a great one so far!

Finding a Balance

Finding a balance seems impossible right now.  I've been slightly overwhelmed by all of our upcoming events so I wrote everything down to get it out of my mind.  I would like to think this was a coping strategy but I think I needed to prove to myself that I wasn't going crazy, we really have a lot going on.  In the next two months, here is what I have going on:

mail a,b,c, and d's photo order
processes e's photo order
Haiden starts at a new school
plan and organize Ella's homeschool (because who wouldn't want to homeschool right when a baby is about to enter the family?)
senior shoot
friend's bridal shower in Southern Indiana
friend's bachlorette party in Southern Indiana
Haiden's soccer practice
Haiden's soccer games
another friend's bridal shower in Southern Indiana
Ella starts phonological preschool
Ella continues with dance class
family/newborn shoot #1
finalize photo booth
shooting a dear friend's wedding in Southern Indiana
maid of honor in a dear friend's wedding in Southern Indiana
bridesmaid in my brother's wedding in Southern Indiana
attending a friends wedding in Indy
family shoot #2
Ella's birthday party
family shoot #3
family shoot #4
Don't forget the usual; play with my kids, keep up with laundry, cook homemade meals, keep the house clean, be a wife, and get ready for baby #4!

So balance in life isn't my strength right now.  We have a dry erase board on our pantry door in the kitchen and it is usual filled with quotes and reminders.  Yesterday, I erased everything off and wrote BE CALM.  I feel like I could be very impatient, snappy, and distant right now but my kids need me to be patient, calm, and engaged.  So everyday I have to make a conscious effort to be my best for my kids because it's what they deserve.

So how do you keep balance in your life?  Do you feel like stress in your life affects your parenting?